I officially have six weeks before I have to move back to the States and this reality is hitting me like a stampede of elephants. I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified to death to go back.
Fear #1. It's still August.
The calendar on my computer is telling me that it's November 10, 2009, but this cannot be. I'm still sweating like it's August, I'm still wearing shorts like it's August, the trees are still green like it's August, the sky still blue.
I pressed the pause button on Chicago...it's supposed to be August when I get back.
WRONG.
The leaves are falling to the ground, my friends are moving on with their lives, Ian has grown a few months older, there will be new stories and experiences that I don't know about. When I get back there will be snow on the ground!
Fear #2. The Cold.
Last week the temperature dropped to 75 degrees for three days...I wore a sweatshirt, pants, and drank hot tea as if it were -10.
I'm not ready for the hostility of Chicago's piercing winds. I'm not ready for the ashen skies looming above the frigid skyscrapers. I'm not ready to don layers upon layers of clothing. I'm not ready for January, the month I dread the most.
Fear #3. Friends.
Friendships have shifted. flourished. transformed. My friends have experienced the good and the bad while I've been gone. There are friends I was not able to celebrate with, talk with, share experiences with. I'm not going to be able to simply pick up where I left off.
I don't want to leave my friends in Thailand. I have grown to love these people and I'm going to miss them incredibly much. They will forever live in my heart, but for me that's not enough. I don't want to say goodbye.
Fear #4. Culture Shock.
Chiang Mai is quite the opposite of Chicago. It's naturally beautiful and the people are overflowing with hospitality. It's warm, it's quaint, it's alive. Chiang Mai is the most amazing city to live in! I love the comfort and familiarity that I feel here. I've never felt this way about a city.
Just a few things I'll miss:
Spending less than $2 for a meal.
Street vendors
Fresh spices, vegetables, fruits etc.
The slow pace (I have learned great patience)
The mountains
Elephants on the street
The street kids
The lizards
Smells
Sung Thaos
Muay Thai training
Pane's cooking
Tuk-Tuks
Saying hello to all the friends we've made along the street
The list could go on....
I'm not ready for Chicago life. I'm scared. I remember how difficult it was for me to adjust after spending only three weeks in Uganda last January. How do I reorient myself after five months abroad??
My five year old self is taking over and screaming at the top her lungs, "I'M NOT LEEAVVIINNGG!! YOU CAN'T MAKE MEEEE!!!"
4 comments:
Unfortunately what you fear most is exactly what you need to do dear..
this makes me kinda sad...you need to come home :(
this makes me sad too kris!! do you want to come home at all...?
i had some severe reverse-cultureshock coming back to Chicago from Mexico. it's okay, you'll slowly ease into it! who knows, you might even be happy one night when you realize you're in your own bed.
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