Cold.

Yesterday was a frigid spring day in Chicago. It was the kind of day where the wind blasts you in the face, slithers down your body, and constricts your bones of any warmth, until your left feeling as stiff and gelid as the tin man. I did not want to go to my internship at all. I was dreading standing for six hours on the cold sidewalks of Chicago, but I made my commitment to be out there and I had to be loyal to it.

It truly was painful. I never knew that my eyeballs to feel cold, until last night. Only when I would blink did they receive any relief from the atrocious and unforgiving wind. Each stop we went to cleared out 30 minutes early, leaving only the rats and abandoned grocery bags to dance under the moonlight.

I found that it wasn't so easy for me to complain about having to be outside once I was there. I would soon be alleviated of the cold as soon as I walked into my apartment building, I had some place to look forward to. My friends of the streets would not feel this same relief as I.

Towards the end of the night one of the supervisors explained why he comes out here night after night. For an hour or two we can provide a place for these people to look forward to. At the bus they can reenergize and not have to worry about being shot at, someone stealing there things, or being ignored. These stops are a refuge where they talk to other men and not have to worry about a fight; they can talk to women without being rejected.

Last night it hit me almost as hard as the wind rapping at my face, my time here is going to end in 2 months.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to more friends.

I don't want to leave.

I really enjoy my internship.

The Bus Stop Diaries.

The sun has finally revealed its rays onto the city of Chicago. It’s warming up (and when I say warming up I mean it’s 37 degrees), the birds are chirping, and people are actually smiling. I’m sporting my spring jacket, naked appendages (no hat, gloves, or socks), and moccasins.

As I head out of the elevators the meek miniature greyhound emerges from the front room. He eerily stares at me with his large black eyes, his body so frail and soft he’s ghost-like. Those huge eyes floating above his soft gray frame make him appear even more miniature than he is.

Meandering outside and into the sun, I can’t believe that a ten-degree rise in temperature can warm things up so much. I stroll on over to the #29 bus stop and plant myself on the bench. The sun has never felt better. A man, donning a ever so lovely newsboy hat joins me with a “Hi, how’s it going?” I find myself somewhat startled, I don’t remember the last time anyone has said hello to me while waiting for a bus. It’s normally a slightly awkward experience, standing in such close proximity to other human beings and not saying anything. It’s like standing in an elevator. If anyone were to say anything at all it would be a crime. Sometimes I want to scream, “Hello! How are you?......Why are you giving me that strange look for smiling at you? I’m a human, you’re a human, and we are both standing on the same sidewalk, at the same moment in time, how awesome is that?!”

His saying hello was refreshing.

It’s amazing what you’ll see when you’re awaiting the arrival of the #29 bus.

A blue Cavalier is stopped at the light. The smoke of a cigarette snakes its way outside, through the crack of his window. As the light turns green, this said Cavalier begins to rolls past the white line. Suddenly it stops. The driver steps out of his car, strolls to the back and picks up the lit cigarette, placing it back into his mouth he gets back into the car and drives away.

…..

Newsboy-cap man and I exchange glances. Did that man honestly stop in the middle of a green light to go back and pick up his smoldering cigarette that lay on the frigid pavement of State street!?

Yes, yes he did.

So begins, the bus stop diaries. It’s silly, I know, but there are just some things that happen while you’re waiting for the bus that simply need to be recorded.

Tuesday Nights With Friends.

Crossing over the threshold of the train, I left the bitter wind tunnel and entered onto the red line. Immediately the foul smell of urine permeated through my nose. A look of disgust was adhered to everyone's face as they glared at the women bustling around in the corner. This division between the train was more than the odor. To some this woman was crazy...to others, repulsive. She was homeless.

We've all seen the homeless on the train, or people who appear, in our eyes, to be homeless. They ask for change, maybe a sandwich...for someone to just listen. Well, last night I was on my way to listen, to hear their stories. Last night I embarked on my 3 month internship adventure.

1-2 nights a week I will be going on outreach with The Night Ministry, to Humboldt Park, Pilsen, and Wicker Park. In these neighborhoods we provide food, medical care, HIV testing, and most importantly, an ear. My job is to listen to those who have no home, or no medical care. Those who have lost a job, or in search of something new. Those who are chronically homeless, and those who are new to the neighborhood.

I couldn't be more ecstatic about my Tuesday nights.

It was my first time out last night, and I was slightly nervous. Not about safety, or being freezing cold, but about fitting in. Why would they want to talk to me? Would they trust me enough, even if they did want to talk to me? I felt like the new girl in school.

My nervousness quickly subsided as they approached me with hugs and hand shakes. They openly shared their lives with me. We joked around. I met people from Cuba, Ecuador, the south side of Chicago, and Denmark. Sharing a cup of hot chocolate, I learned about their families, their aches and pains, their beliefs. I even learned some more Spanish, and will now have weekly Spanish lessons. Ending in Wicker Park, it began to snow. Big fluffy flakes fell all around us. My toes were frozen together and my nose was running like a facet, but I couldn't think of any place I would rather be. We left with hasta luego, and see ya next week.

Smiling the whole way home, and into my warm bed I felt a sense of peace and comfort. While my experience with outreach and teaching children in Thailand was fulfilling, I constantly felt bad for leaving them. When they asked how long I would be around and I would reply, "1 month," a look of gloom consumed their faces. Last night, when they asked me how long I would be around and I replied, "Until June," a huge smile extended across their face.

I finally feel a little better about being back in Chicago. I feel like I have time to breathe and be myself within my work/19 credit balancing act of a semester. I get to turn off my phone, push away my homework, and extinguish all of my worries. For 6 hours a week I get to be with humanity, with people who listen to me and I listen to them. I have my niche again.

I love my internship.

Sunset.

The sun rays extended towards the sky like a thousand arms reaching out in a last effort to grab hold of the atmosphere. Black forbidding clouds continued to wrench the sun down towards the Earth. The Mountains lining the horizon held the clouds back, allowing us to drive further under clear skies. Turning back I watched the clouds succeed in their tug-of-war with the sun. Slowly, the light was dragged down behind the mountains only illuminating the outline of darkness for a short while. Now that the sun was gone they would fight to break free from the confinement of the mountains.

Happy Birthday to the King.

Today is the Kings 82nd birthday.

Thailand is Like Your First Crush.

I am 15 days away from returning to the States and I have been trying to figure out the best way to describe Thailand to the people who are going to ask, "So, how was Thailand, what was it like?" Well, yesterday Nikki came up with the best analogy yet.

"Thailand is like your first crush."

Think back the days of high school, when everything in life was amplified by a thousand. Think back to that first guy or girl who made you feel like your world was heaven on earth, with only one simple glance. Imagine that feeling of excitement and anticipation. When would they talk to you? When would they kiss you?

And then they kiss you...

All the butterflies are released, you feel light as a feather, there is a deep joy coursing through your veins. There are times when you feel shaky and nervous, but they are far outweighed by the feelings of ecstasy. It is a feeling like no other, and you never want it to end.

Your friends say you're crazy. Your family says you're young. They say that this will come to an end. Get your head out of the clouds.

But, it does not matter, because they will never feel this same feeling, they will never understand. This is a personal, intimate feeling that is shared only by the two of you.

And yes, all good things do come to an end...you will move on to other crushes and bigger things, but nothing can compare to the first.

Nothing can take away that initial spark of true bliss nor that heartache of letting them go.

It was your first crush and it will remain within your heart, and your mind forever.

Yin and Yang.

Nikki..Nikki..Nikki..

Exactly 3 months, to the day, I was fastening my seat belt, popping some tylenol pm, turning on my i-pod, and settling in for my 17 hour flight to Bangkok.

It was also 3 months ago that I met Nikki. I knew from the minute she introduced herself that I had met my best friend. Now, after 3 months she has become more and more like my other half (in a very heterosexual way).

We go everywhere together, we spend every freaking minute of every day together. If you find her, you will find me and vice versa. We come as a pair. When I'm frustrated, she's calm. When she's sad, I'm happy. When I'm tired, she's awake. We are completely opposite, yet so alike. We are two peas in a pod, she is my peanut butter to my jelly, she is my yin to my yang.

...yes my friends, Nikki and I got matching tattoos designed by our very good friend Toom (may I add that he did it all free hand). I have the yin and she has the yang...without us both life would be way out of whack.

The significance of the Yin-Yang:

This Simbol(Yin-Yang) represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other.

The shape of the yin and yang sections of the symbol, actually gives you a sense of the continual movement of these two energies, yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature changes from hot to cold.

The time to leave is drawing near and I'm going to miss her immensely. But, wherever we may be in the world we will always have the memory of one another and of Thailand imprinted on our feet and in our hearts. I love the girl to death and look forward to our future adventures together.